So you ask what you can control?

I am a fixer. It is a term that I have struggled with for some time, and even at times took offense. "I am not a fixer! I don't do that!." At some point I had too take a look at that statement of being a fixer, and sit with it, experience it, and own it; and this is what I learned.

Yes, I am a fixer or desire to be. I have this innate or natural ability to want to help or fix things. Look at the profession I choose to go into...THERAPY.  However, just because I am a fixer does not mean I have control over things.  I have worked hard over the years learning my boundaries when it comes to helping or fixing people. I have learned I can be there for someone, I can offer a safe space to talk or a shoulder to cry on, I can offer feedback, or challenge beliefs; but at the end of the day how someone reacts or shows up in life has nothing to do with me and everything to do with them.

I can not let what I have no control over(others) affect my happiness or my experience in this life. A key that I have found to happiness in this life is learning what I do and do not have control over. I can 100% attest to what I have control over, and that is myself. My thoughts, feelings, actions, behaviors, and words are all something I can control. I can choose how to use each of those to bring me happiness and joy or pain and sorrow.  Everything else is out of my control. With this insight of what I can and can not control, I have learned to show up with empathy, and compassion for others all while holding boundaries for myself. And I believe on of the biggest keys to empathy is boundaries. I choose to not let others take away from my happiness. I choose to be in control of my own happiness.

So, as you move through this life and if you find yourself stressed out or in pain about what someone else did.  Start asking yourself these questions. What can I control? How can I show up? Why am I give them this much power? What I have found is that when I show up in a way that is loving and kind all while staying in control of myself. When I do this combinations I find that is when I am  most happy and fullfilled in this life.

So, yes I may have this desire to fix, but I am also aware enough to know that I do not posses that power, and the only thing I have control is myself and I plan to continue mastering that skill!